I had the privelage to attend the Bucket List Bash – a Benefit for the American Cancer Society in Naples, Florida over the weekend. It was a real eye opener on so many levels for me.
Yellow frame for my Sunny MOM!
Let me begin. I went to the benefit because my mom was a co-chair. She passed away and her Co-Chair Donna had to carry on without her. Donna put together a great event: the colors, the music, the auction – all super. I had not however, antipicated how hard it would be to be there. I went there with joy in my heart thinking of my mom and of how much fun she would have there. How proud of the event she would be…the money raised for the kids wanting to attend R.O.C.K Camp…and how happy she would be having us all together.
As it started…the feeling was still joy but I got the overwhelming sense of – loss. Loss of family. Loss of my mom. Loss of friendships. Loss of tears. Loss for others. Loss – I felt as if I could not breathe. I missed my mom in such a strong sense. In every sense. Very hard, to say the least. But, this was just one of my eye openers over the weekend- THIS is what I learned:
LESSON ONE: You can feel someone all around you – you can feel you are moving forward – you can be proud and happy and yet – you have to honor sadness no matter where or when the time hits…it will linger longer and louder if you don’t.
Next was I was so excited to spend one night alone – YEP alone in a house with no one but a dog. Well, what I learned is when you have not been alone in 7+ years…alone is scary. So with that,
LESSON TWO: sometimes you think that you will miss one thing and it turns out – no. It turns out you think that you won’t miss anything at all. well not so. You don’t always miss the obvious. I did not miss my mom more than normal as I sat in her house all alone…What I missed was those that are living. I am not sure being alone was even appreciated. I learned that I value my time with my family so much more. My time spent in Naples was surrounded by those I crave more time with. I actually felt it. I crave time with PEOPLE. Certain people Even more so now days.
why would anyone leave this?
LESSON THREE: (these are in no real order the more I think about it) I learned that drinking cream drinks is okay, however after those do not mix with lemon shots…they tend to curdle the drink had with the cream before. Leaving you – well ill. VERY. ill.
LESSON FOUR: the transition back to reality is really a slap. A loud, knee buckling slap. My kids were/are normal – meaning they cried, fought, screamed made messes – they were not in some sort of magical land where they were transformed into new little humans…they are still normal. When you arrive home at night after all have been in bed, and the house is quiet. Don’t do what I did, sigh, smile and say it is so nice to be home, and it is so sweet & peaceful. BE well be prepared for a super slap the next morning if you do that. Come home say it is great to be home but remind yourself this quiet is only temporary. Soon, you will awake to kids yelling stuff like “check it out mom! You can open your eyes now and see me wiggle my hips, yes it is still dark out mom, mom, mom, mom…” (and yes, I am still happy to see them)
Finally my final LESSON– Sometimes when the person that was your TREE…
nothing beats these trees...I wish, wish they grew here.
Your root system – is gone, you worry about those around you and what will happen. You realize that relationships like leaves may change….but the reason that your TREE flourished and was such a great TREE…was the soil and the other branches that helped her grow. LOOK for the good branches, and hold the soil, not the falling leaves…
Can you see the heart? It was placed there by my stepdad to surprise my mom when building the house.
they will still be there holding your Heart and hands –
First off…I am one proud owner of a NEW phone. Who ever said my kids have super“wearing” down power…now know where it comes from. I was an endless in my pursuit. So because of this, there is no doubt there will be a new model out in two days….
This winter has been dragging on and on…and I do not know about your house…but I am over it. I am sooo over it and this:
And NOW, we are doing faces like below all because we do not want to get dressed in a thousand layers…Can’t say I blame them (the kids, you should see Joe’s face that is a way different story, and I have a harder time forgiving that one)
I am sick of all these layers
But when you tell them we are planning a vacation you might get a face like this:
a little weirdo happy to see the sun - someday
But mostly we are bored – so bored we are doing these types of things to OURSELVES (yes to himself…how? I don’t bother with such silly questions):
Could I be more bored?
This is the SAME child that actually likes to be outside. This is also the same child you can’t trust if you can’t see…This is the same child that instead of actually listening to you decides to sing louder…AH, he is a real joy.
This looks innocent...but notice the bird feeder
And when you turn your back the youngest of my little human collection has learned to climb – I mean CLIMB. We have yet to get in the 127 hours scenario, but – it could happen. All the way up the cabinets and get things he is not supposed to, and then give you little sweet faces of – “I have nothing in my mouth..”.Winter is killing us in the unwanted skill department:
There is nothing here...Look away
Then again there are a few in the house that seem to be in their own worlds still. My Prom Queen and Derby Boy.
I love a Crown
had to show she did not want to dress either but loves the crown!
The last thing I want to mention is ME: Well, it has been rough sitting indoor thinking of my mom. It has been rough with no sunshine to speak of. It has been rough because I am constantly cold and HATE being cold. And we won’t even begin to mention what it is like to be trapped in such a LoUd environment daily– but what I will mention is that the other day when I was stuffing my dresser (notice: I did not saying folding clothes nicely. Something that my mother would have killed me for, since she had everything color coded. That in my case, would be color coding by STAIN colors which another side note I think that I got from her dad (papa)…enough on that) I could not get the drawer SHUT. NOT super unusual but finally (after trying more than once) I took the drawer out and found something that really brought a smile & a tear to me…it was a stack of photos of my MOM. They were of all different time periods, and how they got there I have no idea. Especially since they were from 7 years ago and then just last summer. No Clue, none, but – I will take it as a sign…a sign that Spring is coming and she is still on my shoulder.
More than 7 years ago...but remember it like yesterday. Ah the warmth - from love and Summer
Is it just me? I have no will power when it comes to certain things. I will give the example of diet. I am trying to lose weight and have been going to the gym….BUT once I decide to only eat certain foods and drinks…
WELL it all goes awry. The minute I think that I am going to change for the better…I eat worse, drink more, and well…fail.
I do not get this? is it just me? Then if I hear that someone else is dieting or is losing weight, I get secretly jealous and further sabotage myself…
Good Gravy, who is selling the magic pill? I need it – as long as it does not have any side effects to wine
Okay, we like many got a dog before kids. Actually I can give you a brief inside on my pet ownership.
I really wanted a bunny when we got married. TURNS out after that brief encounter of meeting one – I am highly allergic…and ended up in urgent care. SO, we got Budgies (parakeets). Turns out I am great at naming them…but scared to death of birds. (Olivette Maria Ann Merlot & Brutus Aristotle Martini)…Then since we lived only in a place that we could have cats (my hubby hates cats) Joe even told me he would leave if I got a cat. Turns out, I tested that theory…We are still together.. Turns out, after much research I found a breed that is supposed to be like a dog…Turns out, OURS does not. Turns out our cat may not even be the breed advertised. Ours came with issues. MANY many issues. One being – he is not a people lover. The other he is not even a people liker. TURNS out I hate liter boxes (Joe does too, but I love that pregnancy allowed me to switch that job). SO, then I thought we needed a dog. I found pugs cute. TURNS out…Joe did not want that either, again tested the theory and now 10 years gone by. We have Gertie McGee. whew, you following me? Okay. History – not well.
Well, we have this dog. And she is a great dog. Other than, it TURNS out she is super loud. Not barking loud (unless prompted: doorbell, people, other dogs…wait, I guess she barks a lot). Not growling. BREATHING. Straight up. People come over ask if she is okay, ask if she is dying…nope. Turns out that is just my dog, just my dog living. Sweet huh? I had to kick her off the bed at one time (she sleeps on the floor now) because she would snore, then joe would and all night I was between two freight trains. Now, recently instead of sleeping on the floor – she has climbed onto the chair in our room…and now with the lift in sleeping, she is echoing a night again…it is nutty. That Gertie Girl could beat anyone at a snore off – or even a breathe off…Anyone have earplugs for this condition? This used to be the quietest part of my day. I really thought the kids were loud…
I was doing something in the kitchen and could hear on the monitor that my youngest was waking up.
I then heard a sibling of his enter his room and talk sweet. Ahhhh, I thought, what a nice moment between two kids.
I then heard the two of the them jumping in the crib…Laughing and again thought, sweet moment…
THEN heard a gasp, and a EWWWWWWW
I go up.
I can smell the room before I get in it.
Older sibling says to me : Harrison has a dirty diaper.
I say: really? (thinking duh?) how do you know? ( I so should know better at this point…)
Older sibling proceeds to PUT his hand out and with that shows me!!!!
I say – what did you do?
he says: well, I checked his diaper, and yep, there is poop SEE!
SOMEONE POUR ME A GLASS…
from Latin procrastinat- ‘deferred until tomorrow,’ from the verb procrastinare, from pro- ‘forward’ +crastinus ‘belonging to tomorrow’
This is a word that LOOMS in every household. I am sure of it.
YOU yourself may not procrastinate, but then again are you sure?
I like to think that I am constantly busy. My kids are constantly busy. I am less a procrastinator as I am a poor list maker. I make lists & lists and lists. I am the person that makes a list only to rewrite it so that it is pretty instead of ordering the priorities. In the end I get everything done. BUT there are certain things that just – never make the list. For example: The school yearbook (that I am to work on for my oldest child) is one. It is due of course in a week…and well – we know by this subject. I am starting today. I have thought about it numerous times…but it has not made my list.
I think of it, then instead make cookies. I think of it then get obsessed with an item I must buy and research that online…instead of organizing the photos.
I see this as not a weakness and more of a challenge. Yes, a challenge. WILL I get it done. HOWEVER…if this is procrastination, then how do I teach my kids the opposite? I always hear that kids want to be the opposite of their parents right?
When they tell me they will clean up later. They will feed the pets tomorrow…How to I explain to them that they will blow up TODAY if they don’t do their chores? Their toes will melt to the pavement if they do not clear their plates? That the pets will dry like raisins if they don’t eat…
Then again, I am here writing this instead of loading the photos for the yearbook- so – I may be a lost cause.
HELP me. Help me find a new word – Or at least get back to me tomorrow…
I am sure that any given day we can all look at our kids, and/or spouses and think…am I really related to Forest Gump?
Whether it be that your kids pretend not to hear you or understand you….Which I feel daily. Or when someone in your house fails to see the dishwasher, even if it was left open…I have even mentioned this numerous times – I must sound like the Peanutparents/teachers…because they look at me with blank stares of I get are of pure – HUH? This is from ALL family members not just the little humans.
These are the little moments in life you make a choice. A choice to scream at the top of your lungs or just deal. On any given day it could be one or the other in this house. I used to call my mom and she would laugh – that was the second half of “dealing”. (side note: when visiting my house my mom would always empty the dishwasher, all because I once mentioned how much I loathe that daily job, yes she rocked). Sorry, I got off track…
This is ONE of those little moments for me, right now…I sit here on my computer debating a choice. I am in the kitchen and I can hear the kids upstairs in a bedroom. I hear this clearly due to the monitor. (I also should mention I just heard one say – we are really playing nicely, go tell mom, and to those of you who hear our monitor – because we hearyours, well – a blanket apology goes out to you now and, NO we are not always yelling in this house). ANywho- they are not suppose to be in that room. That room contains all the things that can add up to BAD. i.e.: water from the bathroom – and all the other things that a bathroom holds – bubbles, bathtub crayons, lotions, did I mention WATER, it also has other things: a closet that can pinch fingers, toys that are not theirs but a little siblings…All signs tell me to go up and stop them before the Apocalypse happens, but – it is a rare moment. It is quiet in the kitchen. I actually have fresh coffee. I am happy and it is bright…I think that I am willing to take the consequences of what is to come – I will have to remind myself to pause – and when the moment comes and it WILL (NO GUESS WORK NEEDED) – I will just DEAL.
All because I want to have a few minutes to myself. Now, tomorrow if I have had a flood of water and my ceiling is ruined – well, let’s be honest – before my husband sees his post – IT WILL BE GONE.
Today is your day – Seize it and Just deal!
p.s.- just as I hit publish, there was a MAJOR scream. it is over.
I would love to write a bunch of stories tonight…
One about the woman at the reception desk at the eye clinic I had to go to today. The nice lady asked me to review my information…and then …verify my emergency contacts…one of which is my MOM…that took my breath away, and she talked to me for a long time and gave me good advice about missing mom…and that is just the tip of the ice iceberg…
how I am so sick of my glasses I want to get eye surgery…but am scared…
about the dragons I slayed today…
about taking a shower alone! and with mirrors so I could see the kids in my room…
how I bought SAKE today in hopes of…wait best not shared.
about how I lost my eldest child tonight…and had to look the neighborhood for him…
about how Joe’s aunt asked me about the marathon Joe and I are in…we are not (it was a misunderstanding), but I did inform her that if a BEER / WINE run was considered a marathon – Joe would win – especially at homecoming time…
how I used my lack of eyesight to order food in…
but alas, I can’t because I can not SEE due to the drops they put in my eyes….stay tuned….p.s. – this is my eyes 3 hours later, not as bad but still! These are not eyes to be trusted!
I promise to write something tomorrow…after my peepers are new and fresh!
As I sat today in my kitchen I realized life is pretty good. All my little humans except the smallest monkey were in school today! I went to Target – oh Target I love you so. I tried to think of a few things that bug me. THIS was much harder than I thought…yes, the usual stuff came up – the dishwasher, wash – but even that stuff is not as bad as:
POOR EYESIGHT: My glasses/contact lens…they are forever lost, falling off my face, drying out my eyes. I have an odd-shaped face I’m positive. So, my glasses never sit right…and if I wear contacts it is a given that SOMETHING will enter in them while I am in the middle of a store…therefore, allowing me to run into someone I know and having them think that I have been crying in the store…and am crazy.
FEET that have to be COVERED: Socks…I would never ever wear them if it was not for winter. And this winter has been pushing it. I hate HATE to wear them, especially to bed. If there is the occasion that you have to wear them because it is sooo cold…well good luck finding them in your bed the next day. (Which always makes me wonder how you take them off without waking but every other noise or vibration will wake you.) I love you sweet sweet flip-flops. Who cares if the rest of the year I have elephant skin on my feet due to wearing them that last month even in “frost”.
BEING COLD: I really think that I was meant to be someplace – not necessarily HOT but some place that the windows are always open ( YES! I would have to have different kids that were super sweet and QUIET…but this is a dream. We have a door in our kitchen to the back yard it came with a screen panel and a glass panel – Just guess which we have in all summer? yep glass…no one wants to hear my kids that much.)Some place near water. I am sure this is why I adore Door County in the summer.
STUFF IN MY TEETH: if your friend or a foe – please break stride and tell me that I am growing a garden in my front teeth…enough said. (Darn those everything bagels…you will someday get yours) I figure it happens to me because I really do have teeth that look like Chiclets. They are so big, they just hold stuff better and show it off more. I will owe you if you do me a solid.
DUMB QUESTIONS: examples from the past: why do you have so many kids? do you like them? Why would you have more? Can you tell them apart?
Those aren’t a lot of things? Wait you ask is there anything I like?
Laughter (lots of it), Heath bars, good FOOD (and lots of it), a glass of WINE (or 2), Stars, Books, my FAMILY, Sand, Water, Boxing, Movies, a Bath, the Really Rosie album by Carole King, Neil Diamond, people who can laugh at me with me…well, I hope you stop today to remember the things that you dislike and that they may not be so BIG after all…
I know, I know! I post that and it looks like I might jump into all the on-goings in Wisconsin. NO!! I maybe ill but not dumb.
My idea of a trying time is this week, this house.
I have a head cold that probably makes a grizzly seem friendly. And with that my children are in the same boat…so imagine a grizzly and cubs that are ready to eat one another because we are so grumpy and frustrated that we can’t breathe. I own a pug and for the first time in 9 years – I actually looked at her smashed basically nose-less face and thought – Shite…I bet YOU can smell better than me right now….UGH!
So, we have been at more stand off’s this week than usual. But I am hopeful – today is friday. Due to the politics in my state, my eldest child has been home from school…and has been so much – fun extra work for me. Since I am ill, I am glad dad will be home with us this weekend, I am in need of extra hands! Especially for the Ultimate fighting battles taking place. For the record…I think that my kids may have a talent in this, forget the singing 5, we may be the battle 5.
We have battled over breakfast, lunch, clothes, socks, shoes (even though we are not going anywhere)…name calling…you name it…we have battled.
Is it just my house that when mom is sick no one notices? (granted my dear hubby is not home all day so what could he do? ) But my kids – they just start to circle like turkey vultures. They peck & peck at me until I am feeling like a half dead skunk – and feel like I would be better off as a road kill then having to parent.
So, with all the hope and excitement of putting them into bed…and the prospect that it is friday – I am a little giddy. I tuck everyone in. Stop in my room for something and find….
MY room has been dismantled – they have tried clothes on, they have tossed shoes. (I already have an issue with shoes. I tend to go to the closet and can only find at least one shoe out of a pair of shoes (repeat for the other pair I had in mind)…then with at least one shoe from two different pairs, I tell myself…okay which ever shoe I find first are the winners…it is all a game) This was all done to my room while my sick butt made a nice dinner.
So, you want trying times? TRY to sit on the floor, snotty, barely breathing and put back together your closet with one hand because the other is holding wine…
remember this is snot a rant – not a “real deep rant”…just little stuff that drips from my brain…and today it is heavier than usual…(but still not deep)
I love when people tell me how they nap during the day. It slays me.
I would give anything to have a nap on any given day – but today it would be superappreciated. I can tell I am getting a cold.
If I was to put my head down, my house would not only burn to the ground but, my kids would have haircuts, nail polish everywhere except their nails, items I have not seen in years would be destroyed, all my important beauty products would be soup in a bowl (like I have any – but if I did). Yes, we put things in places that they can not get to – but that means nothing in this house. Turns out that sleep is also something that means nothing these days to the humans living in this house.
The kids have had colds and I am sure this is due the thaw outside, school and that they are just germ infested little creatures. So sleeping through the night is a thing of weeks ago. They usually sleep, but for some reason my one daughter has been having a rough go. And now with the colds…well it is just gone out the window and now all of them are getting up.
Remember when your kids just napped? And you felt like it was a good time to get stuff done? If you’re at the stage…STOP! SIT! Do nothing! Trust me it goes to fast. I know they say that same thing about child rearing…but I will have none of that silly talk…My kids do not seem to be aging
I still have one darling…(old photo) that naps.
And doesn’t it look so nice & peaceful! And although I still have three awake. I am grateful for one less…Though today it means nothing among the fighting trio. And even with the promise of a movie, they are determined to make sure that I do not get rest. Not time out (ie: face book, this blog, a phone call)- REST.
I find myself these days standing near the kitchen wondering if I could get away with sleeping for 5 minutes, if I kept standing. (with my back to the audience) Maybe they would not notice.
Napping is a privilege – do not fool yourself. I look forward to it…someday. Until then, I will stand and try to not fall asleep – because I can think of nothing more embarrassingthen dropping kids off at school with the grill marks from the stove top on my face. THOSE are probably way more noticeable than pillow marks on my face.
I post this last photo…so that I can daydream of some place warm and restful.