Stella, Katie, Theron, Nephew Ryder, and Oliver...
Some one gave me a book once called
I WAS A REALLY GREAT MOM BEFORE I HAD KIDS
I love that concept.
All the things you said in your head out loud. All the things that your family members (younger/ older, say about your kids…mainly because they are so ancient they do not remember raising them or never ever had a kid)
HERE are my examples –
EXAMPLE: You were in a store thought – Who in the hell thought bringing a kid to the toy store was a good idea? WHY don’t they stop them from screaming? I totally would never do that to my kid.
NOW REAL LIFE: (This goes for ANY store, at ANY given time but for example sake….we will do a toy scenario) Ugh! I say to myself, have to get that last-minute gift for a kid… that I JUST remembered now. I am ALREADY at target and yes, I know to avoid the toy aisle. BUT come on – I only have one kid with me. How bad can this be….fast forward 8 nano seconds and you have a screaming kid SIDE NOTE: SOMETIMES I think that I am raising irish whalers – if you ever need a crier at a funeral, PLEASE feel free to contact me. I seem to have what ti takes to get anyone of the kids to cry at ANY given time. I digress, back to my scene…My child is on the floor and I think? MMM…the toy I want is in the next aisle, just steps from where I am, IT IS at the end. I know HE is NOT going to be moving, this I know. (Side note: all my other kids freaked if I walked away. I now have one that could.care.less) Okay, I will duck around the corner (four steps) grab it, it’s not like I can’t hear him and I will be back to deal with him. As you step back into the aisle – the NON kid person says “wow you have your hands full.” Really? Along with other things go through your brain. That is your big contribution to my situation? WOW. Thanks. Why, yes I do. OR you can do like me and say: Oh, I only left him there because Target has the best exchange policy, and this is the aisle I found him in originally. I only stepped back – because you looked interested and I thought I would tell you all he has to offer. Like listen – his lungs are A+.
SEE what you have learned after having kids. NO matter what aisle you are in – YOU do not have a direct wire to your kids brains. You know the one you could just push to zap them into good behavior. You do not control them. At least not the way you would like at all times (sometimes yes but – ) You have learned you just have to keep functioning. No choice.
EXAMPLE: Who let’s their kids outside when it is cold with no coat, let alone no shoes and socks? DO they have nuts for brains?
REAL LIFE: Who DOES that? ME. That’s who. If you knew all the wrestling that has been done in this house for a coat… I have begged at times to put coats on. Offered candy, rewards (yes more things I said I would NEVER ever do)…but no one listens. So now, on a chilly day – I say to myself – Fine! You want to go out to play – go you’ll be sorry. I don’t have it in me to fight any more….AH heck, they will come back if they are cold, they just will. It will be their problem and my deodorant will not be put to the test. THAT IS who! People like ME.
SEE what you have learned to pick battles and yes this is an important one…but really in the grand scheme? Really? USE this fight or battle for the toy aisle. I figure that when the neighbor says stuff at the bus stop like: Did you not see your kids yesterday, they did not have socks on? I will respond – I knew they had gotten out, but it was just to cold for me to go outside to look for them. Next time since you seem to be able to watch them so well, could you fetch them and get them into coats.
SIDE NOTE: My oldest and his buddy – up the way, all last winter ran back and forth without coats, socks or shoes…Even at times that were pretty cold…BOTH lived, and are great at math and reading – IS there something to the cold? Probably not….but never rule it out – smarties
EXAMPLE: IF I had kids they would be dressed like a million bucks, not stupid t-shirts AND they would never be dirty. Always combed hair and looking proper.
REAL LIFE: You do buy nice clothes but only to hide all the above: the dirt, the uncombed hair, the bad breathe. Even with that your child will adopts some foreign character they love and you concede and let them wear a shirt with the icky character to bed. All the while bleaching the heck out of it so that it fades and you don’t have it for long. You have a child that goes APE shit (excuse the fancy language…I should say – goes wildly unstable) when you wash them (hands or face) and it is a nice day so forget it – send them outside! They are going to get dirty anyway…Why not just do ONE clean up later, you know way LATER. YOU have a daughter with the Craziest curls and they form knots that a sailor would be proud of. She acts like you have just beaten her with an electric eel when you comb it. So you decide to just act like she has bed head each day. Knowing full well you just avoided a fight and she does not have behead just neglect. But you were on time for school.
SO my point today? I say this to all parents. DO these things make us bad parents? Or in the end, are we better parents? We know our children just that well. We can block the screaming. We can avoid the fighting. We can get our chores done among the fits, the dirt…. I think that it does. I think that we are better. Even if we can’t always block the fighting, the crying…we know at one time we did. Even if it took a glass bottle of wine. We just know our kids and are not afraid to admit they are not perfect.
So next time the phone rings and my kids go ballistic in the background and someone says – “WHOA that is a lot of fighting, should I call back?” I am going to respond with any one of the following…that? Thanks for pointing it out to me, I have been so into my Facebook and ignoring them, that I totally forgot I had kids. ** Oh, wait, that noise? Yeah, that is loud, but no one has come to me bleeding…so it must be fine, I like to raise them like monkeys, survival of the fittest and all. Plus, I just through out candy on the floor and let them go at it. I figure it builds speed and endurance ***Yeah, sounds productive to me, that is just practice for sunday night family cage fighting? I would never belong to a family that did not do that. What kind of family or person are you? They
TO all my parents that now know – There is not better way to be a parent then to jump right in. Enjoy the week. PS- BEFORE You had kids we were good parents SHURRRR. What did we do that we felt so busy? What did we do…oh right SLEEP.
SO somewhere today between a P!nk song – “Who Knew” the Adele song “Someone like you” and the thought that my children were actually from the DEVIL. I thought about life, thanksgiving, future, past…I got to thinking I wish I could bottle the good, the laughs, the old memories, even high school things, grade school things that got me grounded.
There are days that are so GOOD that you don’t stop to count your blessings, you don’t stop to even think. You don’t know your suppose to. You don’t know how to stop. Just like the days you wake up – you never think ” I am not sick” but the day you wake up and realize you are…you know instantly that you are not you. Especially in comparison to the day before.
Then there are the days, that are filled with the blood and tears of little ones screaming, falling and just being kids that you think…whew, I should count my blessings at this moment – they are all healthy. I know this because I can hear their lungs CLEARLY.
Days like today, where you make two trips to one school due to forgotten items, a trip to another due to the same thing. Then a millionth trip for a MAIN staple that some how every time you enter the grocery store you forget – when in reality it is because you have one child with you that thinks running and touching is the MOST fun ever. A child that then proceeds to LAY down in the middle of the aisle. YEP! This is one of those days…I did laugh today though. Trust me, it is rare to just sit back, laugh instead of well – (you get the picture)…love that devil child…mmmm hmmmm love him.
As the P!nk song goes…”if someone said three years from now you would be gone… ” it is true. WHO knew?
SO, I decided today., yep today. To enjoy this SECOND, this instant, listening to the fighting & think…who KNOWS…I am going to make a jar over the next few days. This jar will have a TON of bright paper in it. On each paper is going to be a good quality that my kids posses. HOPEFULLY when I go to do this project after Thanksgiving, I can find one or two of those qualities. Please wish me luck.
I will fill it the jar all the way up.
When we have a bad day. I will discipline – then I will let the child grab one thing out. I will read it aloud and remember / remind them (and me) who they are. Not just that they are DRIVE me crazy. MAYBE it will help me count my blessings….on good and bad days
For that – HAPPY Thanksgiving…and it is a blessing to be here, it is a blessing to know all the people I know. It is a sweet day after all.
AND even with my sweet sweet thoughts – I am willing to take in gifts of ear plugs and Calagon.
HAPPY TURKEY DAY!
I love love peonies.
A peony can be a romantic shade or a bright color. And a perfect peony is full.
So if I think about it those are all things that I would wish for myself (and my kids).
All of those things to a degree. I would love to be thought of as a romantic – I am often a dreamer – that is different, I understand but for the darn flower sake, and the fact that itis my blog, I say it is the same. There. done. I just made a executive decision…only one of the day
Bright – I want to go out in my life and have people think of me as bright. NOW, I knowthat some of you will say – mmm she thinks or wants to be smart? No-no, I know who I am. I can be smart. I more often am a Smart Ass. What I mean is BRIGHT. Like if I was gone, I would be missed. Someone that can make someone’s dAy brighter. Just bright.
Full – yep. I like this quality too, to a degree. I tend to be full, mostly because I have nowill power and eat too much. Beyond just the belly full type, I desire to be full. FULL of life, FULL of promise. FULL of day dreams. just full – each day. This is one to work on, daily.
So as the month changes further into a winter one – I will be pretending each day that I might just come across a fresh peony and can live up to it. As it does for me.
Until then. I will be having another glass of wine. Why not accomplish one part of something – Full.
One can…I can…People Can
buy a new property
Get a new car (s)
Get a child to sleep in a big bed
Read a thousand papers/magazines…books
Feel so lonely it hurts
Talk out loud more times then you can admit
Have a zillion colds go through your house
Enjoy your friends fully
Feel left out
Have at least six events of your kids throwing up
Do a million loads of wash
Get a new couch
Start & Stop a diet
Love your sitters more & more
Wonder why your pants are too tight then too loose ( still hoping for the latter)
Love your family
Despise your family
Out grow shoes
Worry about your kids nonstop
Wonder why your kids can make you so crazy
Miss your family, kids included
Meet a stranger on a plane that encourages you to write
Find a friend among your past, someone who you once knew, (it maybe someone who you did not know well back then) & wonder why you have not known them all along without interruption or had you made an effort years earlier, would you be better friends even more so now?
Find out who your true friends are and if they show for the important times, needs, or just even call you to let you know you exist
Experience something that is so heart wrenching that you think that you can’t make it another day.
Have a vacation of a lifetime
Get a hug each day
Realize you would love to write a book
You feel like you need to be doing something new
Donate money to several causes in a manner like never before
Go to an event that blows your mind
Want to do more with your life, make a difference, be someone
Shed more tears for a single person then you knew you had
Have an annual party and smile about it just like you did a year ago
IN A YEAR
you can remember the same someone every single day, multiple times
And sometimes sob about it, sometimes tear up and sometimes LAUGH
ONE YEAR AGO…Nov. 9th, 2011
my mom passed away
…and each day seems to take a lifetime to get through without her
Each day I can feel the deep love for my kids (husband), and at times a crippling distance from those same people, because I miss her so much. Not in a depression way (see above, I smile too) I have great moments each day, week, etc…I could even say – SUPER moments. I have had some incredibly super things happen this year, some EYE opening things happen, some great conversations this year. I have also experienced a loss like never ever before. True HOLE in the heart hurting type of loss.
I miss her more & more. I constantly wonder what we are missing out on with her not being here.
Even with the down part of this year. And it has been a downer, I have learned a lot of things with in this year. Some good. Some bad. Some hard. Some lonely. Some with tears. Some with hard laughs. Some with hangovers. Some just lessons.
THIS year, I learned family can choose to come together…that everyone needs a break, that everyone needs a good time, looking forward to things is okay, that a brother can bea close friend, that someone you once fought can be your best friend, that instead of always feeling like I am missing things, or should have done other things or want certain things that I should fully take part in what I have or at least the moments, times, emails, texts, things, I do have. It is okay to want more, to be more, to experience more, but don’t spread yourself so thin you forget what and who you are. Do not forget what you are good at, really good at – it most likely is being you. Even when you feel like the You that you know is gone, lost or heartbroken. That the people in your family that come through for you – should be remembered, they too are REAL. (Velveteen Rabbit). You should recognize friends new & old, especially the ones that make you feel good that you are you and that always have the moments to pay it forward.
Start today…pay for the coffee for the person behind you. Smile and carry someone’s bag, put away someone’s grocery cart…or simply call someone.
One year ago, I lost my VERY BEST friend…but she would be proud of what I have learned all within a year, all the while still knowing, that she is missed. I can’t say “I miss you more than you know” anymore…she knows. I learned THAT in my heart within this year. She knows.
Nov. 9, 2011
I turned 40 this summer. It was not as life changing as I thought. I did not wake up and look like a celebrity. But I did have a good time. And I still love Birthdays! And will always make a point to let people know…self promotion I can do!
I know that trying to blog and living away all summer with no internet – basically does not make for a great blogger, friend or person that follows through on stuff…(even though there are were a Zillion things worth mentioning) This is also true on having 7 birthdays all in October and a party we have thrown for 20years – that can’t go on without planning.
I know that when you age party planning is totally different – sort of. Meaning that you still purchase stupid things to have fun with but you planned for them and ordered them ahead of time. You did not wait until the 11th hour to see where beer can be bought. I know that you worry more that people will have fun. But in the end you drink just as much.
I know... that this is a rough week for people I know due to loss and birthdays.
…that I love food. I know that is a bummer at times.
…that I love my family. That is not a bummer. (Even if I yell and want to pull out my hair at times, I love them)
…that watching the Honey Badger makes me giggle still.
…that I get excited to drink sweet nines at Eno Vino.
… that I love to giggle.
…that I think that I can dance.
…that buying matching shoes with a friend makes me smile.
…that Friendship is hard to find. Especially as you age and I am truly lucky.
…that I have okay taste. Wait, I think, I do.
I know that taking down my last crib was sadder then I thought – THEN I snapped out of it.
…that I love having the windows open.
I know I still pick at everything. my poor kids
…that I miss my mother so much my skin hurts. I know that Thursday is her birthday – She would be 61. I know that she was such a super person, she deserved to be here. I know that I will tell people I am glad she is not hurting this year. I know I don’t mean it in that I wish she was still here. I know that she is with me and at times probably disappointed. I miss her so much sometimes I check out. I know that other times she is happy – especially when I giggle and can check. So I hope that she smiles more then not. I know that she is with me in odd times and places. I know that she was glad we (my family) spent so much time together this summer. And that it is clear we are here for one another. always.
i have been wanting to post new stuff but could not due to some computer issues. I will have a new post tomorrow night folks.
I have a bunch to say about how great the people i know are , how it is to turn a milestone birthday – how to turn a milestone without my mom.
how to have kids in heat and like them.
how to eat greasy food.
how to have friends that make me laugh….stay tuned!
A) I have been having a HUGE computer issue – lost a ton of information and could not get into my blog…sad, sad…
B) not that any of you noticed.
C) I have a ton of rants coming – starting sunday night. Warning One.
D) Just a small rant for tonight – For all of those like me that were so excited for kids, could not wait to have them, and so on…We all have the day(s) that you say to yourself…WHY did I think that this would be a good idea? Well let me tell you this has been one of those days. The fighting, the bad weather is not a help, the shrieking (some of it is happy but even so – IT is so loud), the non listening… sometimes I wonder to myself if when we have kids (even if you have just one) and you find out that someone you know is having their first – half of the glee in finding that out this person has procreated – is in the fact that they have NO IDEA what they are getting into…and you will have a pal to join your JOY and MISERY. Of course there is a ton of joy…but days like today – ha….only half joy. I hear “it is so not going to change us. We have read every book and we know what we are getting into…” GOOD luck. I smile and say – no worries you will do great (we all do) but remember… I do have a lot of red wine here…feel free to stop by with your dumpling/ray of light/modern miracle/precious package – ANY time. I can’t wait to see you unchanged. PS- upside – they went to bed nice They looked cute in their jammies. (kinda)
Lastly I would like to note that July is coming, and with that- so many great things. I am beyond excited that my birthday is coming – THE BIG 40….& even if it just means going to dinner with a few pals…I LOVE a birthday – Thank you mom for that. And thank you mom for always making us feel like the ony person on that day – LOVE IT! TRULY! But here is the weird thing – July has another importance to me – It holds my mom’s favorite holiday – the FOURTH of July. As important as it was to be together at Christmas – the 4th was the same. I will write more on this topic….but be warned (second time) I have a ton to say about JULY.
Also – in JULY – my brother and family are coming – YEAH . A RACE July 4th is coming – ONE that I made the mistake of opening MY big mouth on a red wine brain and made a challenge. I even was so bold to say I could win. I am sure this will end messy. I will end up hurt physically and mentally – UGH – boy am I STOOpid – In the opposite of Charlie Sheen – SO NOT WINNING…..so stay tuned it is ALMOST JULY.
Okay we all know the standard list of things that your suppose to instill in your youngins’ once you become parents (eating, using the bathroom, not swearing)…but what about a few other things, like:
please and thank you (more candy pllllleeeeassseee)
don’t chew with your mouth full (so much to say here, but have to finish my coffee, and toast to type)
salt & pepper are table travelling partners (if you were to ask me about our “formal” dinners growing up. I would share there was money to be made here. If you got thru the meals completely on tack you were great AND a few bucks richer…I would also share by the time I hit high school graduation I was already in debt, due to my lack on being on tack.)
how to do homework (bless my mom on this – she was great at fixing last-minute problems…ie: having my pillow made for me – yes you read that right – she had someone make my home ec pillow…I got an extra great grade since we had not learned how to do lace…Great right )
How to be honest (or in my case my mom would have been found saying – “Jen, just play the game, stop being so stubborn” – “Jen, if your going to continue to lie about where you have been at least get your story straight with others”- “Jen, a raccoon did not jump on the car…(side story – right after I got my license I took out my mom’s car, we lived in the country, I hit the break, gas & the radio all at once sped off the driveway under the barbed wire and BOOM into the corn field. The car windows were open – the car was filthy, full of corn and the paint well had new barbed wire stripes…I being the WORST liar – told my parents a rabid raccoon attacked the car and I freaked out hence the damage and me going into the corn field – true story I said…well? it could happen? EEE yeah they believed that.)
how to show empathy – like when a sibling falls off the skate board you have been dragging behind the back of a four-wheeler you look at the wound and ouch,- sorry – wanna do that again? all the while knowing your going whip the heck out of said sibling again…
How to share – again another four-wheel story – let’s throw rocks at the person driving and if they fall well turns up – sharing/ hey I have the chicken pox – wanna sit with me/ Hey, thanks for trick or treating with me – wanna divide up candy – oh I am sooo in love with these bottle caps (wink wink) fine I will give you these for that FULL size candy bar — sharing.
how to tie our shoes – or tie things and people to one another
who to call for things – I am out of money, I have had my car towed, later in life it is better, you do not call so much for things you need but just to share things – my hearts been broken, I have been dumped, I am getting married, I am having a baby! I miss mom.
how to puke IN a bucket/toilet – this is a new one that just occurred to me. kids just spin their heads like a bad movie…and even if you put a bucket next to them they act like they are about to explode instead of just sitting up and turning their head towards that direction…it DRIVES me crazy. This is a skill much like a fire drill I may start making us practice ? once a month? an alarm will go off and they will have to sit up and pretend to puke towards a bucket…not the wall – while on the top bunk and then spinning all around the room. I know where that scene came from in the Exorcist. Someone had a small child that had the flu for SURE.
what is right and wrong to eat – it is okay to find & eat candy at 7 am as long as no one finds you – then it is wrong.
When you start to type it – it is overwhelming with all the things you have to teach your kids…the basics and the things you never realized (i.e: throwing up properly). It gets to a point you just have to pick ONE item a day to work on. Yes, you do a ton of these all day long but I talking – really concentrating on one thing a day. So today it will be FETCHING/PICKING UP. This will be for toys, shoes, clothing, food, but mainly COFFEE today because the puking properly soooo failed last night…..
I was home alone this weekend. When I say alone – meaning without my hubby.
First person I love – my dear sitter “SP”. Thank you for always coming even though you know what you’re getting into. Thank you for always pretending my kids are okay.
Second – my oldest child. He is on occasion starting to show that he can be a great pal. IT is super to me that he is turning into a great person to talk to and have around. (YES he still makes me nuts at times and yes he is still rotten to siblings. & Yes I always love him, but sometimes kids can be hard to be around no joke (hang with one that has been up to late and to earlier to rise – you’ll see) but last night I had a really nice time talking to him. Actually talking. Example of how nice he can be : For a few weeks now he has been complaining about putting on his soccer shoes, I thought it was just being SLOW and not wanting to get ready…yesterday on the way to soccer I asked him to do the shoe thing he said “I can not NOT put these on” – so finally I say hand them to me – yep! mom of the year – size 3.5 when he is now wearing a 5. duh me. so we had fun getting new shoes. And he really has not complained at me, or tell me I suck as a mom.
Third – I love my friend “Mama P” – she came over had a beer with me talked girl talk with me, talked life, talked the loss of our mothers (both this year)…etc…AND weeded with me, a ton of weeding. YES, this is a good friend. LOVE her.
Fourth – my good neighbors – they laugh at me when I get caught doing something I shouldn’t. They laugh with me as I tell my life stories. Laugh when I look like poo. Laugh at the house and it’s “lived” in look. AND they venture out, even among my kids to sit and chat with me, THEN even after all that – they go and volunteer to bring lunch to all my family! PLUS say they would love to bring my kids (YES MY KIDS) to their house so I can shower for a bit? seriously???? RIGHT ON right?
Plus I have another neighbor who takes THE best photos. And because of her, I get to see my kids through a new light/lens and see their beauty. Plus they listen to her. Truly. She can get them to jump, sit, smile stand…still. It is amazing. She also tells them to say things like “my dad farts” instead of cheese. This is right up our alley.
Fifth – all my other girlfriends. You know the ones – the ones that can get a girl out and enjoy the fact we can go out to drink, dinner, sit or go to the Sundance movie theater so we can drink & eat before, & after & DURING the movie. They know that it is okay to be silly. They know we need to not just be wives, we need to be silly girls
Lastly – I love that my friend/hubby/pal/roomie/co parent will be home soon. And he too is someone I love to have around me.
Happy Sunday to all !